Thursday, August 25, 2005

Can we do this?

Matt and I have been trying to figure out if there is any way I can quit one of my jobs. It seems like it would be impossible to give up that much income, but the stress of all of our schedules is really wearing on our family. We've been through ever possible money-making scenario, but are pretty sure that the bottom line is that I need to stop nannying. I had a particularily hard day nannying for both of the families I work for, so I am sure that is fueling my desire for immediate change, but it's been a long time since we started talking about it.

I haven't felt like a very good mother or partner in a long, long time. It's so defeating to be working my booty off every day and feel like I am getting further and further away from where I want to be. There is no way my family can get to where it wants to be with the tremendous amount of stress we're all under. This is one of my biggest reasons for wanting to quit working so many hours. I would be one step further towards my dream of being June Cleaver, apron and all! I am lucky that Matt feels the direct effects of my stress, and is behind me 100% in scaling down my responsibilities.

Now it's just the matter of being able to do it, finance wise. I suppose my trips to Target and IKEA will be far fewer! Alot of sacrifices will have to be made. I think that we'll be okay.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Another busy weekend

Over the weekend Matt, Iris and I attended a first birthday party for Iris's friend Jake. Jake's mom is my friend Melissa. Their family lives in a gorgeous, gigantic home in Georgetown. I am incredibly jealous. Most of the time it feels like we will never be able to afford a nicer place to live. I absolutely adore Seattle and everything the city has to offer, but it makes me sad that it is so expensive to live here. When I see people around us, our age, who live in such wonderful homes, I always wonder how they have come to afford such a lovely place to live and we can't. Anyways, it's a real sore spot for me.

We also visited other friends, the Bakers, over the weekend. Abby is pregnant with their third child. I don't know how they are doing it! It makes me tired just to look at her. She must be exhausted.

Iris likes to rub her booty against things now. It's really funny! We are pretty sure she learned the behavior from the dog (that or her father!) She slowly backs up to things and then rubs her butt back and forth. She is also dancing now. To ANYTHING. To any music, to noises from her toys, to singing. She seems like a very musical girl. She can also drum with both hands, which I am pretty sure is nothing short of genius for a toddler of her age. We will be enrolling her in rock school pretty soon :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The dwindling summer

This past summer as definitely sped by faster than any I have ever experienced. Every weekend seems to be full with something. This past weekend Matt, Iris and I went to Yakima to visit his parents, sister and uncle. Yakima is such a wierd town. I get anxious to get back to the city every time we go there. It felt good to get a break from caring for Iris while her extended family looked after her. Watching her interact so closely with that side of the family makes me sad to think that my whole side of the family doesn't know her at all. I am secretly glad Iris is the only grandchild in Matt's family because she gets so much attention!

We have been spending Wednesday mornings with my friend Melissa, her son Jake, and the little girl Melissa nannies for, Amelia. Amelia has a fantastic playroom and it's fun for Iris to get to get to know them after all these weeks of our playdates. I really like Melissa alot. She is an amazing mama and nanny and I often get inspired by her to be a better mama myself. This weekend is Jake's first birthday party and so we get to go to their home in Georgetown. We've never been to Georgetown before so it will be like a little trip :)

It seems like there are so many things I haven't gotten to do this summer, too. We've only gone swimming once, haven't been in the lake at all, only went to the zoo once and not to the aquarium at all! We didn't get back to Milwaukee, or on anything real vacation for that matter. Sigh. There will be many more summers, of course. Iris is growing and changing faster than we can keep up with her.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Moving beyond my comfort zone

I really believe that people are sent in to you life for specific reasons. I keep finding myself up against the same challenges over and over, like somehow I'm not getting the message and the universe just won't let me forget that I was put on this earth to grow as a human being. Two great examples of this are my boyfriend and my daughter. Every single day I am confronted with the challenge of moving outside of my comfort zone in order to enrich my own life and increase the bond between us. Sometimes I rise to the challenge. Many days I just hide.

My daughter is incredibly social. So much so that it is amost painful for me to bring her out in public because all she wants to do is interact with everyone around her. She looks up at strangers and says "HI!" Being that she is only 14 months old I can't exactly explain to her that mama has a social phobia and would rather just sit there and scowl at everyone. But alas, I find myself at the park exchanging small talk with mamas of the small children whom Iris has stolen the toy from for the umpteenth time while Iris toddles away as fast as her little legs can take her. Recently I joined a pre-school co-op in order to expand Iris's educational and social opportunities. Being that it is a co-op, the level of parental involvment is much higher than I care for. I sit through meetings telling myself "I'm doing this for Iris. I'm doing this for Iris". That makes me an okay mama, huh? Hopefully, in the end, it makes me a better mama, that I am putting aside my fears for my daughter. At least, that's what I am hoping for.

She must get it from Matt, who is leaps and bounds past me in terms of being outgoing. He actually NEEDS social interaction in order to be at peace with the world. I can't relate at all. I should make him take Iris to the park from now on :)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The most exciting news!

Iris colors with crayons now! It is so adorable!

mmm . . . decaf lattes

I filled out an application to be on the Dr. Phil show. The theme of the show is NIP (nursing in public) which is a pretty hot topic in the news lately. Apparently people are disgusted by the thought that mamas would actually feed their babies in public places (gasp! the horror!). Who know I would become a breastfeeding advocate every time I fed my daughter in public? Of course, if it came right down to it, I am sure I would be much too scared to actually appear on a television show, but it's a fun idea.

Today Iris and I shopped at University Village. It's an outdoor mall that apparently attracts a great deal of stay-at-home moms during the day. I toted her around in the sling, nursed her next to a fountain and shared a smoothie and a muffin at Starbucks. It felt a little silly to be one of those moms who drag their child around on a shopping excursion.

I also discovered that decaf lattes are my new best friend. I have truly become a wimp. I can't drink caffeine without spending the rest of the day jittery!

In other news I am getting serious about losing the rest of the "baby weight". It makes me feel better to call it that, but I know it's not just from having a baby. Today I started by sharing my oreos instead of eating them all myself :)

Monday, August 08, 2005

Our last trip to B-Town

Yesterday Matt, Iris and I went to Bremerton to visit our friends Kyla and Caleb before they move to Milwaukee. Usually we would have loved to have taken the ferry, but we brought Butters with us on the trip, so we decided to drive around.

Kyla and Caleb live in a cute little house with a nice back yard. We BBQ'd, played badmitton (which, much to my dismay, I am pretty terrible at) and played games. Iris had a great time walking around the yard and playing with everyone. We also ate pizza from a place called Badda Boom Badda Bing. Iris slept the whole way home, which made for a peaceful drive, but then she didn't go to sleep until after 10:00 last night.

We're going to miss Kyla and Caleb. Unfortunately we haven't spent nearly as much time with them over the past couple of years as we would have liked to. It's very exciting that they are moving to Milwaukee because we will be able to visit them!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

So I'm a virgin

A blogging virgin, of course. I am about 99% certain I'm the only one in the world who cares what I have to say, but none-the-less, here I am!