Friday, August 12, 2005

Moving beyond my comfort zone

I really believe that people are sent in to you life for specific reasons. I keep finding myself up against the same challenges over and over, like somehow I'm not getting the message and the universe just won't let me forget that I was put on this earth to grow as a human being. Two great examples of this are my boyfriend and my daughter. Every single day I am confronted with the challenge of moving outside of my comfort zone in order to enrich my own life and increase the bond between us. Sometimes I rise to the challenge. Many days I just hide.

My daughter is incredibly social. So much so that it is amost painful for me to bring her out in public because all she wants to do is interact with everyone around her. She looks up at strangers and says "HI!" Being that she is only 14 months old I can't exactly explain to her that mama has a social phobia and would rather just sit there and scowl at everyone. But alas, I find myself at the park exchanging small talk with mamas of the small children whom Iris has stolen the toy from for the umpteenth time while Iris toddles away as fast as her little legs can take her. Recently I joined a pre-school co-op in order to expand Iris's educational and social opportunities. Being that it is a co-op, the level of parental involvment is much higher than I care for. I sit through meetings telling myself "I'm doing this for Iris. I'm doing this for Iris". That makes me an okay mama, huh? Hopefully, in the end, it makes me a better mama, that I am putting aside my fears for my daughter. At least, that's what I am hoping for.

She must get it from Matt, who is leaps and bounds past me in terms of being outgoing. He actually NEEDS social interaction in order to be at peace with the world. I can't relate at all. I should make him take Iris to the park from now on :)