Tuesday, April 11, 2006

One of those terrible mama days

I am trying really hard to cut myself some slack, because I'm just tired and cranky alot of the time, but I'm just feeling like a terrible mama today.

Let's see, so I'll start with the stroller struggle. A few posts back I wrote about the new stroller I got, complete with pictures and all!, and Iris barely sat in it for a second. So today she was carrying her baby, baby Carl, around and we were getting ready to go for a walk. Usually when we walk Iris just walks along with me. It's alot of work to keep her even remotely on task, but she really enjoys it, so that's what we do. She kept putting baby Carl in the stroller and saying "stroller?" (which comes out more like "shoulder?") and so I said, "do you and baby Carl want to go for a ride in the stroller?" to which she kind of confusedly agreed. I lugged the stupid thing all the way down the stairs, which is quite a chore considering how heavy and wide it is and then set baby Carl in it and I ask Iris to hop in, which she does. I try to buckle her up, which is kind of all skewampus because I still haven't figured out how the buckles and padding work. We aren't even 10 feet away and she is saying "out! out!" and struggling to get out of the stroller. I stop and say, "Iris, you need to stay in the stroller" and walk a couple more feet and she starts crying. Okay, so we turn around and walk back to the stairs (all of 12 feet at this point) and I ask her if she just wants to go back inside or if she wants to go for a ride in the stroller. She nods her no and says "no inside!" so I say "okay, let's go for a ride with baby Carl, then" and we walk back down the driveway and head the other way. We make it maybe 30 feet this time and Iris starts struggling and crying again, asking to get out. "Okay" I say "let's just go home" and we walk back to the stairs and I take her out and carry her up and then lug the stupid stroller back up the stairs. Meanwhile she is now in hysterics because she wanted to go for a walk. I am just fuming mad. Why? Well, duh, because I had my stupid agenda to use the stupid stroller and damn it, I worked so hard getting it down stairs that she WAS going to ride in the stupid thing! Not suprisingly she continued to freak out on and off for the next half hour or so, only being eventually distracted by a Baby Genius DVD.

God, it was so ridiculous of me. I have a really sensitive "spirited" daughter and seriously, you can very rarely make her do ANYTHING she doesn't want to do without being in for a struggle. I just get a bee in my bonnet sometimes that we are going to do something, and if she doesn't want to, then by golly we've got a battle on our hands, cause mama sure isn't going to back down! And why? Why couldn't I have just left the stroller at home knowing full well she would want to walk instead of ride in it? Even though I lugged it down the stairs, why couldn't I have just let her walk anyways? Cause I'm stubborn. Hmmmm, wonder where Iris gets that lovely trait from?!?!

So I spent the rest of the day exhausted, now I have a headache and a upper back and I'm crabby as hell. I ruined my own day over this thing. What the heck is wrong with me?

1 comment:

  1. you should go to the hathor the cowgoddess site, and look thru her march archives. there's a cartoon called why not? and it has been a lifesaver for me since i read it. it sounds like it would be good for you too.

    and you aren't a terrible mama. our culture does sort of dictate that we have to 'control' our kids, or else, they'll 'control' us, and even when we know better and do better most of the time, sometimes, it just gets the better of us, and that's okay too.

    like scarlett o'hara said, tomorrow is another day.

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