Holy crap, this pregnancy is moving fast. I swear the last one was about 3 years long, but this one? Hmmmm, didn't I just get the positive test yesterday? Iris is growing WAY too fast. I think my life is just flying by because how fast she is growing. Now, because of her, everything is going fast. Next thing I know I'm going to be calling my daughter's while they are away at college begging them to come home and visit.
Actually, it recently occured to me that there is a sad flip side to having babies close together-- they'll be leaving me with an empty nest earlier. I will have children at home for approximately 20 years. That's it? Man, I used to think that would be great, I'll still be young enough to enjoy my life and do fun things. Now I just imagine I'll be old and sad and wishing I had more children to keep me company. *sniffle*
Anyways, for a while, it felt like I had alot of time to prepare for this new baby coming, and now with a 3 week trip taking up the next 12 weeks, well, I'm losing time quickly. I think I'm ready. I mean, I hope I'm ready. There are definitely moments where I think oh my god, I'm going to have this baby, and if all goes well, she'll be born in my home. It almost feels surreal. The birth plan I've made for this baby is so far off track from what happened during Iris's birth that it almost feels impossible. I keep telling myself that it actually won't be that much harder. If Iris had been born in a reasonable length of time, I would have been able to deliver her without drugs. Even though I had an epidural, let's just say I definitely felt everything during pushing. It was suprising, because I didn't expect to, seeing as how I couldn't even feel contractions. So, that's my little pep-talk. I went through hours and hours of labor drug free, and might as well not have had the drugs while I was pushing, so damn it, I can do it 100% drug free this next time! Wierdly, the number one thing on my mind is Iris. I think having her here will keep me more level-headed, more focused. I don't want to lose it in front of her, and I don't want to create a situation that causes more fear and tension than there needs to be. I think last time I needed someone, or something, to keep me more focused on what I was doing, what my goals were, and what I needed to do to deliver my baby. She's going to be my focus this time.
There's a woman in my yoga class who seems really cool. She is planning a homebirth with her first baby and just found out last week that her baby is breech. It must be so frustrating. I am sending her lots of of good vibes and happy turning vibes to the baby. I hope it all works out for her.