Sunday, August 06, 2006

Sooooo tired

I am glad this day is over. It was supposed to be super fun and lovely to have everyone here to celebrate the new baby coming. Let's see, so the morning started with boyfriend screaming at me, telling me I don't deserve to have a party and that he would ruin it. Awesome. So I asked him to either leave so I can have the party or if he stays I will call it off. So, he thankfully leaves. Let me tell you, in hindsight, I would have rather called it off. It's more than a little uncomfortable when your boyfriend's family and friends show up and ask where he is. I didn't want to get in to it. I said I didn't know, because I didn't, and that it was a long story.

Thank goodness for Melissa today. She calmed me down when I called her hysterically crying this morning, picked up the stuff I needed at the store since I didn't have a car all day, and was by my side throughout the party. I just stayed put talking to the people I knew the best and tried to be a decent hostess. We were supposed to do a belly cast today, but it didn't really work out. Being the only person here hosting so many people, it didn't feel right to just leave the room for so long. Plus, Melissa had to leave early since her son was falling apart after a really long day. I didn't want to do it without her. Hopefully we will find time to do it later this week. At least before the baby comes! I was joking that we'd be quickly laying the cast strips on my belly while I went through contractions :)

I finally decided to call my mom tonight and be honest with her about what was going on. Maybe my whole new direction will be being honest and not all smiley about what I'm going through. She was a bit taken aback, as I've put on a good face for her for a long time. I had just gotten back from a walk I was suckered in to basically so I could be screamed at and berated on the sidewalk in front of all my neighbors. It was super awesome. I asked boyfriend to move out. Believe me, I would be gone in a second if I could. Being so pregnant and vulnerable is so incredibly hard for me. I wish I had family close by. My mom said just say the word and they will be out here to pack me up and drive me and Iris back home. I could just imagine going in to labor somewhere in the middle of Montana during the drive! Ha ha. I am lucky that she's on my butt now about having me get help and get out of here. I was scared she would take a more hands-off approach, when what I was calling for was help, but she was as wonderful as I hoped she could be.

I'm just so tired. So, so, so, tired. I have repeatedly asked boyfriend to just stop, just leave me alone, until the baby comes. He refuses. I don't understand what the necessity of being so hideous to a pregnant woman three weeks before her due date is. Okay, off to bed.

3 comments:

  1. if you want him out, and he's not going, based on the hair pulling, screaming in public, you;ve got enough to get a protection from abuse order against him.

    i'm proud of you for taking this step. it's scary, and sad, and awful right now, but it is for the best-for you and your girls.

    let me know if there's anything i can do for you. boodafli AT aol DOT com.

    keep your head to the sky. it'll be alright.

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  2. Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are having so many problems with your boyfriend. It sounds like you need to get away from him for your own safety and sanity. I hope you get the help you need soon!

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  3. I'm so glad that you've been able to talk to your mom about what's happening. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It's just awful. My sister left her ex when he became abusive. It was really hard for her but in the end it was the best thing for all of them, him too. Hang in there.

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