Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Terrible mama

Okay, so I am blogging like mad today. So many things going on!

I have a beautiful dog named Lily. She lived with my mom for the first seven years of her life, then came to Seattle to live with me for the last just over three years. At first I loved being a dog owner. I had tons of time for her, she was my world. Then I got pregnant and everything changed. I was a single mama at that time and had little energy to deal with Lily while I was pregnant. I had to move, which is always hard with a dog because not many people want to rent to dog owners, at least not the decent apartments. But, I managed. Then Iris was born and I had a dog walker who helped out once in a while until the day he forgot my dog at the dog park and a stranger called me to tell me what was going on. It has been pretty hard to be a dog owner ever since Iris came in to my life. The past few months Matt took on alot of the responsibility of the pets, which has been awesome. Lily slept with him and he took her out to go potty most of the time. I barely did anything. I haven't had the energy. Now that he's moved out I'm already feeling the strain of taking care of her. She is never properly groomed, hasn't been in for a check up in forever and the last time she went to the vet for a never-identified itching problem the vet bills put us right over the edge. She hardly ever gets walks and I am constantly mad at her for being under foot. Obviously, she's stir crazy and needs more exercise. We live on the second floor of an apartment building with very, very little yard, so taking her outside is a full-fledged event.

Okay, so blah blah blah. I have struggled for quite a while. I finally broke down and asked my mom if I could find a new home for Lily. She is a special pure-bred dog, used to be a show dog, actually, and I thought someone would want her in a heart beat. She's a very, very sweet dog and SOOOO good with Iris. I felt like the biggest ass EVER writing the email to my mom about Lily. She just wrote me back saying that she would take Lily back to WI with her after she came out to visit in the fall. Ugh. My heart is going to break. I can't stand the dog and yet I love her to pieces. I also feel like, for Iris, losing Lily, on top of her dad moving out, a new sister being born and fairly soon having to move out of the only home she's ever known, well, I'm just going to put her right over the edge.

I feel like a terrible, terrible mama to my dog. I also feel like I'm going to do a terrible thing to my daughter by giving the dog back to my mom. At least the dog is going to a much, much better home and not to some shelter. Actually, I wouldn't let her go if she was not going to somewhere infinitely better.

Sigh.

1 comment:

  1. You are not a terrible mama! This is definitely best for your dog, and just think what an added joy it will be for Iris to visit with your mom now that the dog is there! I think having a dog and a baby competing for her mom's attention would be harder on Iris, especially with the added stress of getting the dog out and being a single mom. You are doing the right thing for your family. And children are amazingly adaptable; you might be surprised by how well Iris adjusts! You're still there and she knows you love her, and that will help her overcome the struggles associated with changes in her life. You are a GREAT mama!!!

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