Well, the prognosis just got much more grim today. This morning they discovered that Lily doesn't have Addison's, like they thought she did, she just has a bad heart. Somehow that is causing all these other problems in her, like making it hard to breathe, not eating, etc etc. After much consultation between vets and with my mother, it's been decided to put Lily down. We may do it as early as tomorrow. My mom wants to participate in a program that does autopsies on dogs, apparently if you "donate" your dog to the program they pay for everything to be done. We just have to wait to see when they can arrange getting a container to ship her body to the autopsy place and then that's the day we'll put her down. So, it may be as late as Monday. I kind of am feeling like getting it over with, I'm just getting more sad by the minute and not sure I can go through the weekend with this grief.
My dear friend Julie accompanied me to visit Lily at the clinic tonight. Lily had to stay in a kennel because she is hooked up to oxygen. It was so amazingly hard to see her there and know I won't be able to take her home. She seemed so happy, actually, she got up when we walked up to her and wanted to jump out of the kennel. I just kissed her and pet her and told her we loved her. We didn't get to stay very long. Poor Julie, it was pretty hard for her, too. She's a good friend to me, so she has known my dog for several years. She also just got a puppy of her own, so has very much started to understand how connected humans are to their beloved pets.
I'll find out tomorrow morning if that's going to be the day or not. I am not sure how I'm going to be able to get through the procedure. My mom said I don't have to go, but I know I do. I absolutely have to go to be there with her. Now that I'm a mama I get to be the strong one, right? I mean, that's what I do. I wish I could fall apart. All I want to do is fall apart.