I think I'm having panic attacks. I wasn't going to post about this on my blog, because you know, some things really are too personal to broadcast to the whole world, but I changed my mind. Why? Well, interestingly, the more people I talk to about it the more I am told stories of other people this type of thing is happening to. I'm one of those "misery loves company" types of folks, so this is working out well for me. I tell you my sob story, then you share yours. Yay!
I think this tale of mine probably begins as a young child. I used to ask to go home from school all of the time because of tummy aches. There are many memories of sitting in a chair next to the teachers desk with my coat on and my school bag in hand waiting for my mom to come and pick me up. Mostly I just got dosed with a lot of pepto bismal and that was about it. Fast forward to the past few months. I've been having some of the same symptoms I had as a young child. For those of you who are mamas, I liken my symptoms to morning sickness. I feel like I have morning sickness. More recently these symptoms are accompanied by weakness, shakiness and fear. Before anyone starts telling me it's a blood sugar thing (which is what I initally thought, and what it certainly sounds like), I don't think it is. I get this at all times of day, including right after meals.
So, I have been getting obsessed with this, as it has gotten much worse over the past little while. I was freaking out so much one day last week that I called Matt to come home from work. I ended up settling myself down, but it had never been so bad that I asked him to leave his work to help me. As I talk to more people I hear stories of all kinds of crazy symptoms manifesting as panic attacks. I had no idea.
It's also driving me crazy to get the advice "just breathe" and "it's all in your head, you'll be okay" because when you're in the middle of it you're NOT okay. You think you're dying. My sister told me tonight that she was told that it actually does help to "just breathe" because focusing on your breath takes your brain away from the panic and focuses on something else.
At any rate, this is all sort of self-diagnosed. I would love to figue out what's really going on, but I am not sure I'm up for making the rounds through doctors to figure it out. I will probably just wait until it gets really bad, as opposed to the just pretty bad that it is now.
So the final question is, why would this be happening now? My life is infinitely less stressful now that it was, say, around the time Eloise was born, yet I felt a million times better then than I do now. Why would that be? Is this just another mama thing?