was the day I sat on the cold floor of the critical care animal hospital stroking the head of my precious Lily while she died. It was easily the saddest moment of my life. I miss her so much, still, and every day I think about her. It's crazy that it has been a year. One year ago it felt like my life was on the brink of disaster and I lost one of my best friends. It honestly took me a long time to get the point that I didn't feel completely responsible for her sickness and eventual death. If I had just been more in tune with her. If I just had more time for her. If I had just taken a few moments to be with her I would have noticed how sick she was. It wasn't until the night before I took her to the doctor that I finally figured out that she really was quite ill. I gave her a bath for the first time since Eloise had been born four weeks earlier and I was amazed at how much skinnier she had gotten. She wasn't eating and seemed lethargic. I grumbled under my breath and called my mom asking for money so I could afford to take Lily to the vet. The next day I took her in, the girls in tow, and said goodbye. I got a call a couple of hours later from my mom (who was involved in Lily's care) that Lily had collapsed after she got there and luckily they revived her. Unfortunately, that night I had to take her over to the critical care hospital because she couldn't breathe on her own and was told that she was a messed up little girl. Her heart and lungs weren't working right. The next day the news went from okay to grim and back again, I was able to visit her briefly in the hospital, but by nightfall it appeared that she wasn't going to survive for too much longer. We decided to euthanize Lily because she was in pain and wouldn't be able to breathe on her own and was quickly dying on her own. Matt and I went in the next day, on a sunny Friday afternoon, with a large dog-sized cooler and seven bags of ice. We sat in the room with her as we talked to the vet and stroked Lily's body and watched as she was put to sleep. The cooler was used to store and ship her body to an organization that does autopsy's on Portuguese Water Dogs to help improve the health of the breed.
We still have all of her things. In fact, they are all still sitting in the living room in a box. I'm not sure why.
If you would like to read more about Lily's life, please see this post I made on the day she died.