Monday, December 03, 2007

Can they see our invisible scales?

I'm having a pity party today. It's a chronic problem of Iris and I (or just I?) that we don't get invited to playdates. At first I thought (read: hoped) it was the mamas of the preschool co-op we used to attend, but now that we're on our third preschool with completely different parents and children, it's obvious the issue is with us (or, really, just me).

Today it was getting on my nerves because our school is very, very small. On the way out of the door today two mamas were talking about the playdate their kids were going to have after school. It made me really sad. I'm glad Iris didn't hear them talking because it would have made her sad, too. She is constantly, constantly asking to have playdates. It's so hard when there just isn't anyone to call when Iris wants to play. I often take her to the park, but on rainy crappy days, there's nothing to do. I know this isn't her issue, it's MY issue, I just don't know how to fix it. I do ask other parents to have playdates. I have at this school and I have at the other two schools. The parents I've asked basically didn't respond. ALL of them. I just don't know what to make of that. Only one mama has asked to have Iris and I for a playdate. Unfortunately her daughter doesn't go to school on the same days Iris does, so the girls don't really know each other. Maybe I should email her about getting together again, though. One thing that is nice is that at school whenever there is a child having a birthday party they invite all of the kids (not too hard since there's only 12 kids in the whole school). We always, always go to these. It makes me feel at least a little bit better that Iris can see some of the kids outside of school, even if it's very infrequently.

The whole thing makes me really sad, actually. I felt like crying the whole drive home from school but I didn't because I knew that it would be upsetting to Iris. I guess I figured coming home and writing about it would be the most helpful thing to do to get out my sadness and frustration.

I wish there was a way to make people give you honest answers, like "sorry, we don't want to play because your breath smells" or something. It would be easier to take than just being ignored like you're a leper. I wish there was a way to expand Iris's friend base even though I'm apparently completely unlikable. I wish every single day when Iris asked to play with a friend I didn't have to say no, that there weren't any friends available to play with today :(.


  1. Oh, I wish you were close by so we could have a playdate!


  2. I wish I could give you a big hug, Sybil. You and your girls are dolls and we would love to be able to hang out with you all the time.

    Have those other mamas known each other a long time? Would you ever feel comfortable inviting them in person? You'd really be able to judge their reaction then. There must be some miscommunication are too sweet. xoxo

  3. Aww.. I wish I still lived in Seattle...

  4. Oh this makes me sad too.

    So speaking of playdates and basically getting no response...ahem...

  5. When the boys were young I never got playdates for them. I was one of the only single Mom's with three young boys. Guess my life wasn't going the way their Mom's and Dad's were, so my kids weren't worthy of a playdate.

    KEep your chin up, in a couple of years you'll look back and laugh!

  6. A couple of the Mom's from the last school wanted to have play dates with you, it just turned out that they were total idiots.

  7. Aaaah! I hate that feeling! You know, EJ and I would be having playdates with you every day except I'm so busy working now. We even have said we want to move into a commune with you so you KNOW we love you!

    I'll give you a call in a bit.


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