Thursday, August 07, 2008

It just occured to me

As I was sitting here thinking about what horrible timing it was for Benjamin to pass away it occured to me this is what happened with Lily. Lily died four weeks and a day after Eloise was born. Benjamin died four weeks to the day before our wedding. Both times were filled with enough stress and chaos that it felt/feels like the grief and grieving gets pushed to the side. Life is marching on whether your heart wants it to or not.

Yesterday I washed Benjamin's blanket and today I threw out his litter box. I really have no relics of his time with me to hold on to so it felt pretty sad to be cleaning up those two things. Hopefully soon after the wedding I will put together a photo collage of him like I did with Lily.

At Iris's school today they had a ceremony for Benjamin. Iris got to sit up on a chair and talk about him and it was so sweet. The emotion I get from her seems more like confusion over what happened than sadness at his being gone forever. Come to think of it, I just may be at that same spot right now.

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