I am feeling really stuck. Really wanting to make some big changes, but still stuck. I am trying to temper my deep desire to make these changes NOW with what is going to best for our family, and match closely with our family's vision. But being in the middle of the storm of my brain, I can't sort any of this out.
I've written on the blog quite a bit about our search for a new home. A ways back it was just wanting to move to a new apartment (or house!). Then, last summer, we decided to get the ball rolling to buy a house. It feels like over the past seven months or so we've been inching ever closer. We're getting some debt stuff in order so that we can qualify for an FHA loan. Then the market started really tanking. Ooo! Good time to buy! But oooo! Scary time to buy, too, because the whole world's economy is falling apart!
A few weeks ago I just thought, you know screw it. I'm done waiting to be ready to get this loan and just want to be in a house NOW. So we started looking at rentals. And the first day of looking found the most amazing rental ever. EVER. The rent on the house was less than we would pay on a mortgage and was a much, much nicer house than we could ever afford to buy. We thought, oh, wow. Why would we buy a house when we can live in an awesome one for less money? We wouldn't be building the equity, but all of our hard-earned money would stay in savings and we wouldn't be completely screwed should something happen to Matt's job. But we didn't get that house. And seriously, I cried. Cried. I never do that, but it felt like this chance to be in a great house in a great neighborhood for a very affordable price was dangled in front of us and then ripped away. We have looked at house after house after house since we saw that one. None, not one, has been right. All except for one had rents even more expensive than our initial favorite.
So now I wonder, is this really the right choice for us? I want to be in a house NOW. No, I want to be in a house pretty much yesterday. Our apartment is safe and cheap and decent, but way too small, we are way too loud for an apartment building, and there is no yard access or close places to play outside. We are on a month-to-month lease and can leave whenever we feel like it, which is really nice. If we move out in to a rental house, we'll be tied in to a year lease. Maybe we could just buy then, instead?
On the other side, we can just use our savings up to remedy our debt issues so we are eligible for our home loan right now. Then we have no savings, a hopefully decent house and a grand mortgage. We had always intended to move out of our current apartment in to a house that we purchased, but we didn't completely understand what we needed to pay off in order to make that happen and how many hurdles we would need to over come.
I wish there was a clear answer. Or I don't know, maybe there is? Maybe there is and I just don't see it.