The girls and I are winding up the end of three full days without Matt. It went well. My only tough night was the first one, and that was solely because the girls ramped up the sassy at the precise moment my energy was hanging on by a thread.
This afternoon the girls and I enjoyed a fun shopping trip to Target and about a million other stores. We have been working on a sticker chart in our house that is connected to how well the girls do going to sleep at night. If they don't yell, fight, engage is crazy play come upstairs for anything other than an emergency, then they get a sticker the next morning. Seven stickers gets them something fun and small. As of yesterday Iris had earned her seven (we had been going at it 9 or 10 nights) but Eloise was on five. In addition to Iris being ready to get her prize, they each earned money for picking up fallen plums and apples from our backyard, so they immediately wanted to hit Target to spend it. Eloise quickly picked what she wanted to spend her money on: gum. Iris, on the other hand, did what she usually does and pondered, decided, changed her mind, changed it back, asked for input, made a decision then went back several minutes later. I love watching her do this, she really just is so torn, but in a sweet way.
After the rest of our shopping we headed over to a new playground and Iris quickly made friends with two other girls. One was six, I would guess the other was maybe eight. I left them to play, it was a HUGE playground, and spent most of my time with Eloise (whom, at one point, I pushed off of the swing accidentally-- but she brushed it off and got right back on!). When I went back over by Iris I saw them engaging in a "YOU have a boyfriend!" type game. Mostly consisting of them saying this to each other in a teasing way. Since Iris is five, barely, I don't think she had a clue what she was saying. As I watched longer I saw Iris start her "fake laugh". It is funny, honestly, but totally fake. She uses it when she wants to look like she "got" the joke, but you know she didn't. Or when she thinks she should be laughing at someone or something, but doesn't know why. Totally the behavior of someone who desperately wants to be fitting in.
I caught myself wanting to do my normal thing of shouting over to her my little pet names like "lovey" or something, but then I thought, oh my god, what if she thinks I'm embarrassing her?!?! But then, you know, she's five. It started occurring to me that we would hit a day, likely much sooner than I am okay with, where she does think I'm embarrassing her.
Anyways, I didn't think that this would all start now. I'm sorely under-prepared.