Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Always working on it

My theme right now is just working on improving, well, everything, it seems. Since January I started making changes to my diet and exercising more (or rather, exercising at all), getting to the bottom of my health issues (aside from diet and exercise) by visiting not one, not two, but three doctors, reading more, attending parenting classes and working every single day with the girls on things to improve, bringing Iris to therapy and, most recently, landing my own butt (back) in therapy. And folks, this isn't even the half of what I wish I was working on (like remember that novel I started a year ago?).

Well, as you can guess, the work is exhausting. Most days I am ready to throw in the towel, jam a big bowl of ice cream in to my mouth, turn on an afternoon's worth of tv for the girls and ignore them while I bury my attention in gossip websites. I march through it, though, every single day, because it's good work. It's important work. Most of the time I like it, but liking something doesn't necessarily make it easy.

Unfortunately there are two major downfalls to all of it:

1. There is SO MUCH MORE work to be done

2. Usually, when you are focusing on one thing, or several things, then something else has got to give. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to do everything.

Today when I met with my new therapist I sat and yammered on about this and that. And she said, like most good therapists do, "oh, I think we can definitely work on X,Y and Z" and then had the nerve to start expanding in to the bigger picture of how I could reach some of my goals. And you know what I said? "You mean I need to do MORE work?"

Okay, I didn't really say that. But I thought that. Silly me, of course I knew going to a therapist meant that she would help me fix things I was struggling with-- and fixing things doesn't happen by sitting back and willing them to be fixed, no sir. I decided I would take her suggestions for, you know, fixing certain things, and file it away for a later, as yet to be determined, date.

I do see quite a bit of improvement, overall, in the areas I am actively working on, however, so that is quite promising. Nothing changes over night, but it changes, little by little. These little changes keep me going. I am not a size two, yet (okay, my goal is NOT to be a size two. I will settle for a four. ((ha!)) ). And I can't really get through a day without counting all of my calories. My daughter isn't 100% fixed. My parenting is 100% better. My health is still an overall mystery. But it's all getting there.

Tonight I went to a writer's group meeting that I haven't been to in a few months. I have to confess, I had nothing new to submit. I can coast along submitting old material no one has seen yet, but I like having a foot in the door. This group is my last bastion of hope that I will someday, indeed, finish my first novel. It's always on the back burner for "when I get more time".

I think I have finally figured out a way to schedule that time back in to my life and I am hoping it will come when I start homeschooling Iris (because THAT won't keep me busy enough, right?). Actually, I decided Iris and I both will set aside time each day to write. Isn't that genius? I figured I can't spend all of our homeschooling days making her do the things *I* want to do, but that should be a good one to keep up with.

Any tips for making major life changes go more smoothly? Or have stories of major life changes you are working on for yourself?

1 comment:

  1. I have been in therapy since December, started going because of PPD and opened up a whole 'nother can of worms. It is HARD work. I've seen counselors in the past, but it's so much harder this time. Maybe because I'm really reading to work on these things?

    Anyway, I can definitely sympathize. Between trying to be a better parent, working on my marriage, working through past (and current) issues, trying to figure out my son's food issues....agh, I feel quite overwhelmed sometimes. Or, really, most of the time.

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