Saturday, May 21, 2011

No more babies

I've thought about this quite a bit, about how quickly the girls are growing up, how much farther and farther they move away from being babies every single day. For so long (or at least, at the time it felt long) I wished for the easier days I knew were to come. The days when I would sleep again, would be done diapering, done nursing, done with the "annoying" parts of having small children. "Some day she won't need to be rocked to sleep anymore," I would think night after endless night.

Picture from low tide in the Puget Sound.

If I ever have another chance to give parents of new babies a piece of advice, I will say "enjoy the nights of rocking a screaming baby. Some day you really will look back and miss it."

The "easier days" are here, and of course, they are easier in all the ways they can be without the hassle of diaper bags and scheduling around naps. But of course, anyone with bigger kids knows, the days just sort of fill up with other things. New stressors. Busier lives.

Look at how big this girl is!

Today Iris pointed out the new shopping carts at Target with the two extra seats for little kids to get buckled in to. I said, "those are for babies, too bad I don't have babies anymore."

Both of my kids are too big for so many things. Too big to ride in shopping carts (at least, in the seat part). Too big for high chairs (despite Eloise's dismay). Too big for baby swings (again, to Eloise's dismay).

I think quite a bit about my role as a stay-at-home mom. I have never had a career. I have had many jobs, though. I didn't love, or even particularly like, any of them. I have a degree, but I have never done anything with it, at least professionally. I have been a stay-at-home mom longer than I have done any job in my life.

This coming school year I will have a second grader and a kindergartner. At this stage, most people would have both kids in full time school, though we will have one homeschooler. But maybe, probably, not forever. I am stay-at-home mom, so how does that work when your kids aren't at home all day? What does that role, that job, that career, look like then? None of us want me to go back to working, at least not a full-time job. My husband wants me to do whatever would make me happy.

You know what would make me happy? To have my girls still be home. To have them still be little. It's hard to watch them grow up in to these bigger, little people.


  1. I was never a mom who got overly sentimental about my kids growing up. I didn't cry when I dropped GraceAnne off for Kindergarten. I never got choked up when one of the kids screamed for me as I walked away. I always made it a point to find something enjoyable about *this*moment* because I knew one day I'd miss it...but was pretty okay with everyone growing up just like they were.

    But since we lost the baby, I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! I had a little tear while I read your post. It's so bittersweet (and certainly not any easier! I miss the days of sitting and nursing) and it makes you wanna soak up every second. Not necessarily a bad thing, I suppose...just wholly new to me.

    "Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom, Lord!" -Psalm 90:12

  2. I hear you.
    I'm a few years behind you in the timeline of kids in school, with my oldest starting kindergarten this fall.
    But, I understand the bitter-sweetness of it all. Especially with two of my cousins having their 3rd babies now (one in May and another any day now).
    Anyway, good for you to enjoy life where you want - at home is a wonderful place to be:)

    p.s. Pretty photos! I love 'em.


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