Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Shifting frustrations

Thank you so much everyone for the creative suggestions on my last post! I really appreciate it greatly. It's so hard for me to think outside of the box when I am buried deep within said box at the time. Today I did all of our math using coins and Iris was really interested in it, at least for a bit longer than she usually is. I also gave her lots of paper for problem solving on and doodling on. I realized that no matter how exciting I make it, there is still a time limit on an attention span (including mine!).

Yesterday Iris's Waldorf teacher (two days per week) was telling me how fidgety Iris is in class, as well. I have never received this feedback from her Kindy/1st grade teacher so I am curious if Iris wasn't so fidgety or if Iris was given more freedom to roam during lessons (highly possible) or if she just didn't act that way before. I definitely want to do a mix of meeting her where she is at as well as helping her to try and sit and focus on some things.

Although I didn't do home school with Iris at home yesterday (she was at her Waldorf school) it was a very exhausting day centered around Iris. Matt and I met with what is now the fifth mental health professional (and that is not counting MD or NDs, that would bring the total to several more) we've reached out to for help with Iris. We liked the person we saw today, and she came highly recommended, but she told us flat out she wasn't the right therapist for us/Iris. She referred us on, yet again. She respected our decision to not jump to medications for Iris quite yet, but did say it will probably be a long, intense road of working on things to start seeing some changes. Yay. She also gave us lots of kudos for what we have done already and how hard we have worked, which feels nice to hear, but also frustrating ("you've worked so hard! but nothing has changed!")

Among many other helpful tidbits, she also pointed out some interesting things about what could perhaps be seen as "flaws" in our logic to not medicate Iris based on fear of what the long-lasting effects could be on Iris's brain development. She said what Iris is going through on a daily basis is deeply affecting her, and affecting her development as a human being (paraphrasing here), and not in a good way. So we can leave her be, and let her brain and body continue to freak out (while we seek other treatment) or we try a medication that can put a stop to all of that. I won't lie, hearing it laid out that way made Matt and I seriously reconsider our choice.

After that meeting I met with Iris's Waldorf teacher, a woman who I am growing to really respect and enjoy having as a large part in our family's life. But, as you can imagine, the conversation quickly turned to Iris and her issues, as it always does. And not necessarily because of the other party steering the conversation there. I am certainly guilty of jumping to the "bad stuff" and hashing it all out. My conversations always sort of gloss over the amazing things, which I hate, and is totally my own issue.

I have to say, though, after days like yesterday especially, I am tired of talking about Iris's issues with other people. I am tired of explaining it, tired of just dealing with it at all. Today we are having a quiet day at home, just the two of us. I know I can't keep her holed up at home forever, but some days I really am glad I can, to take the pressure off.

I am starting to do our paperwork to enroll in the online public school and am wondering if using them might be more trouble than it's worth. I'm already annoyed with the process of the whole thing and I am only on the second stage of enrolling. I guess right now I just have little tolerance for needing help from anyone and therefor needing to jump through their hoops.


  1. ((Hugs)) I just read the best book. Maybe it will help you? It is called Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by John Ratey.

  2. I'm sorry you're still looking, and haven't found a solution yet. You and Matt are amazing for keeping your focus on finding one!


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